I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
