Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize