I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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