So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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