I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
