if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
