we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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