What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
babies were throwing up all over the place
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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