when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
