Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize