carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
