i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
