Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
