Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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