We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
