remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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