Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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