Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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