I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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