I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
