I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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