Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
