break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
