you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
