i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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