Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
