I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
