You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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