so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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