she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
