I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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