Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
