saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
