There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
