I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
