Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
