Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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