How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
