i barfeds in our rink
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
