Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
