You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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