What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
