Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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