How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
