nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
