I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
