hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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