You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
