I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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