Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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