fuck your aforementioned shoe
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is that a dick in a sweater?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your penis caused this!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize