He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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