I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
