A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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