I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
