Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
