i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
