I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
