please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
