You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
