my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
