we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
