can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
