So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize