you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
