she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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