U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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