You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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