Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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