Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
