That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
