I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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