I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize