kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
