My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
