He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
