I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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