My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
