she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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