at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
