doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
