In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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