I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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