I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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