when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
