there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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