It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
