I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Congratulations! We have a period
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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