If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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