My sheets look like a crime scene.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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