More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
