dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
