Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
