Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
