so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
