Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
