"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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