I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
