happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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