Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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