I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
