I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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