final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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