I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
