If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
