im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
birth control should be required to get into college
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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